Polyamory and polyagomy – these two words may sound quite similar as they both begin with the prefix poly-, the Greek root word for ‘many’.

Depending on where you go and who you ask, people have mixed feelings about these unconventional, uncommon non-monogamous practices. 

In our culture, open relationships are still considered taboo and highly frowned upon. People who actively practice non-monogamy are stigmatised, if not outright ostracised. 

On the other hand, polyagomy is widely practiced in Malaysia. 

If you’re scratching your head wondering what these words mean, if you want to know the differences between polyamory and polagomy, and you want to find out if either of it is right for you, we’ve got you covered right here!

What is Polyamory?

Source: whateveryourdose.com

The word polyamory can be broken down to poly- which we already know means “many” in Greek, and amor, the Latin word for love. 

In essence, polyamory is the practice of having intimate relationships with more than one partner at the same time, with consensus from everyone involved. 

Everyone in the relationship knows what’s going on, so there’s no room for cheating. 

If you’re wondering if polyamory is the same as open relationships, polyamory does fall into the broad category of open relationships.

However, in an open relationship or marriage, one or both spouses may date outside of their ‘serious’ relationship or invite additional sex partners which is also known as swinging. 

Partners in open relationships are okay with having sex with other people, but falling in love is where they draw the line. 

Polyamory is more specific in that it stresses emotional connection and long-term relationships, which makes it closer to the concept of group marriage. 

 

What is Polyagomy?

Source: weekendpost.co.bw

Polyagomy describes a relationship in which a man is married to multiple wives at the same time. 

Some polyamorous people are married and decide to have many partners. 

Polyagomy, however, refers solely to married partnerships. 

 

  • Polyagomy in Malaysia

Under Malaysia’s existing Islamic Family Law, Muslim men are permitted to practice polygyny, a type of polyagomy in which one man marries multiple wives. 

According to the Islamic law on polyagomy, a man may marry up to four wives at a time. 

What this means is that in today’s Muslim-majority Malaysia, married Muslim males are still marriageble as long as they demonstrate mental and financial stability, as well as a thorough understanding of Islam and fairness to all wives. 

To marry more than one wife, obtaining permission from an Islamic or Shariah court is a must to legalise the union. 

Due to a growth in Islamic conservatism in Malaysia in recent years, it has become easier for males to receive permission to marry several wives. 

Do the wives have a say in this? It seems that some states require approval of the current wife(s) before receiving permission from the court. Nevertheless in some states, consent isn’t necessary. 

While there is no exact figure for the number of polygamous marriages in Malaysia, it is predicted to be as high as 5% of all marriages in the country. 

 

Differences between Polyamory and Polyagomy

To further highlight the differences between polyamory and polyagomy, we’ve listed them below:

  • Type of relationship

In a broad sense, polyamory means ‘many loves’, whereas polyagomy refers to ‘many spouses’.

Polyamory includes both dating and marriage relationships, while polyagomy is used only to refer to married couples.

 

  • Duration of the relationship

Some polyamorous relationships do make it to the long run but majority of them are temporary and only lasts months.

All polyagomy arrangements are as permanent as the ties of marriage that binds them.

 

  • Family ties

While polyagomy quite obviously involves building family ties, polyamory relationships rarely involve family members.

Polyagomous couples in Malaysia for instance, do mingle with each other’s wives and children as they are all considered as a family unit.

It’s not uncommon for the entire family to get together for a special occasion or even for the wives to take care of each other’s children.

 

  • Gender

The most significant distinction between the practice of polyamory and polyagomy is the gender of the partners.

Polyamorous relationships often include partners from the entire gender spectrum.

Polyagomy, on the other hand, is almost always heterosexual, with only one person having many partners of the opposite gender.

 

  • Religion

Polygyny is more commonly seen in religious cultures, where it establishes privileged men’s access to multiple wives and serves as a conduit for poorer men without wives.

Like we mentioned earlier, Malaysian Muslim men are allowed multiple wives in Malaysia upon obtaining permission from the Shariah court.

In the states, Fundamentalist Latter-Day Saint or Fundementalist Mormons, plus a few other Christian sects allow men to marry multiple wives.

Nevertheless, studies on polyamory show that the practice is only loosely tied to religion.

 

  • History

The term polyamory was coined by Morning Glory Ravenheart in 1990 and is now only at its third wave in the limelight.

Polyagomy has been around for ages, ever since the concept of marriage was introduced.

Emotional aspect

Polyamorous couples invest in always ensuring one another’s happiness and satisfaction.

Since polyagamous arrangements are one-sided, anything the husband says goes. It doesn’t really matter if there is any emotional investment, as long as the patriarch is satisfied.

 

  • Legality

Many countries prohibit people from having more than one legal spouse.

Therefore in most countries where polyagamous marriages exist, they aren’t necessarily legally recognised by the state.

Africa (particularly in the north) and the Middle East are among the few nations where polyagomy is permitted.

In other countries, it is illegal but not considered as a criminal offence.
Malaysia, as we know, allows Muslim men to wed up to four wives as long as the Shariah court approves.

 

  • Power dynamics

Equality is a key component of polyamorous relationships. In fact, the relationship won’t move forward without it.

For polyagamous relationships, the power dynamics are skewed, usually in favour of the male where the husband calls the shots in the relationship.

 

  • Sexual gratification

People usually mistake polyamorous relationships as a free pass to have sex with anyone they like. On the contrary, it’s way more than that.

Sexual intimacy is a major aspect of relationships, including polyamorous relationships, but it’s more of a bonus that comes with connecting with someone(s) rather than a goal.

Polyamory goes beyond just a physical relationship, where a handful of commitment, trust, openness, love, attention, and care is needed to make the relationship work.

Polyagomy relationships are the exact opposite and the relationship could revolve purely around physical pleasures, even if it is one-sided.

 

How do you know if it’s right for you?

Whether you’ve begun falling for more than one partner, or came across these terms and felt a sense of resonation, you might find yourself wondering if polyagomy is right for you. 

Understandably, polyagomy and polyamory is not for everyone. 

There is no right or wrong either, only what suits you. 

We should warn you though, especially for polyamorous relationships that requires a healthy dose of commitment, with several partners, you could say it requires a double or even quadruple dose of dedication. 

Continuous effort, a sound mental state, respect for personal boundaries, and having honest, difficult, open dialogues are all the elements required to preserve these types of non-monogamous relationships. 

There must always be a safe space for everyone in the relationship to truly express how they feel, and the option to change their mind at any time. 

The relationship will not work unless all partners are on the same page.

Generally, if you are comfortable knowing that your partner could be in love with someone else, you aren’t someone who gets jealous easily, you can manage your time well, you have a high sex drive or you just got a lot of love to give, it might be worth exploring a polyamorous lifestyle.

 

Polyamory vs Polyagomy: should I go ahead with it? 

To be truly prepared to embrace polyamory or polyagomy, you need to be ready to deal with the challenges that may come with it. 

If you think it’s going to be an easy ride, think again! There’s not only the responsibility, but also the emotional intimacy and jealousy that comes with being in a relationship with multiple people. 

As long as you are ready to accept these commitments, we think you’re all set to embark on your exploration into the world of polyamorous relationships!

Don’t know where to begin? Let us point you in the direction of Sugarbook – the sugar dating site you gotta have if you want to explore unconventional dating lifestyles. 

Take charge of your dating life and pay Sugarbook a visit today!