Conversations about the ‘seven-year itch belief’ usually (and casually) come up in conversation in scenarios such as:

People gossipping about a long-term couple who’s having relationship problems;

People are justifying their own feelings of restlessness in a relationship; or 

Partners are coming up with excuses for their drifting lust and desires. 

Before we get knee-deep into discussing the seven-year itch psychology, and in case you were wondering, let’s first learn…

What exactly is a seven-year itch?

In a nutshell, the seven-year itch is the notion that after seven years of being together, romantic partners often face turbulence and a potential ‘judgement day’ in their relationship. 

The seven-year itch is described as a moment when couples reassess their relationship where either they realise the relationship isn’t working, or it’s working greatly and both sides are truly satisfied and dedicated to the relationship full on. 

 

Seven-year itch psychology

For all our long term relationship folks, don’t panic just yet!

Relationship experts say that while it’s normal to feel discontented after being a serial monogamist for some time, it’s completely BS that it should happen right on the dot when your relationship enters the seven-year mark. 

Generally, the seven-year itch is widely believed to be more of an IDEA that demonstrates the point in time when you and your partner might not be on the same wavelength.

It happens when couples stop taking the time to get to know one another and spend quality time together. 

It’s more complex than to just point the finger to a single culprit, but some couples get looped into unhealthy patterns that leave them feeling dissatisfied and unfulfilled. 

Usually, it has little to do with one major problem, but a collection of little irritations that bottle up and erode the foundation of the relationship until one person finally gets fed up.

These feelings stir up issues where couples ultimately end up deciding whether they want to end the relationship or work things out while forming a stronger bond as a result. 

So, the ‘seven-year itch belief’ can and does occur, but it sure as hell can be prevented and/or mended (as long as both sides are committed to it)!

But how does an initial dreamlike honeymoon phase turn into a seven-year itch? 

While there might not have been any major red flags, there may be little indications along the way that your relationship is/was heading towards the seven-year itch sinkhole. 

 

What are these little signs and what can you do to turn things around?

  • Taking each other for granted

It’s easy to fall into a rut, or feel like you’ve fallen into a rut once you take things for granted. 

Adult lives can get repetitive, so at times, it’s unavoidable. 

To prevent this from happening and to make things work, continue to do nice things for each other to show you care on top of your daily schedules of work- kids-dinner-sleep. 

Expressing gratitude and appreciation is also the secret to a happy marriage, according to studies.

So, don’t be afraid to do cute little things for each other on the day to day, and also don’t be shy with telling them how much you appreciate their existence!

Be one another’s motivation to go through the shitty days, and also don’t forget to celebrate the good days.

 

  • You’ve started living separate lives

Do you stop sharing everything with each other or don’t bother checking in as you go about your day to day like you used to when you first started going out? 

When communication gets lost in a relationship, insecurities, misunderstanding creeps its way in and all hell breaks loose. 

Because the less you share with your boo, and the more it becomes a habit, the more separate your lives will become. 

We’re not talking about those busy workdays when you really can’t find the time, but if having space becomes more frequent, it could signal an underlying problem. 

Schedule regular one on one time to give your relationship a free space for open communication at least weekly or as often as possible.

Trust us, being open and talking about things is the first stage in avoiding the seven year itch in a relationship!

 

  • Keeping things to yourself

We’re all allowed to keep a private part of ourselves that we might not be ready to share with our partners. 

However, there is a fine line between keeping secrets and wanting privacy. 

Also, if you feel like you’re sharing less and less than before, it could mean that there’s something causing you to have trust issues. 

When there’s a lack of trust that isn’t addressed or resolved adequately, there will always be a lurking bitterness hidden behind all your interactions, and it’s likely that the relationship will turn into an unhappy one.

 

  • Having the same quarrels 

Quarrelling, disagreements, calling each other names during heated discussions are all part of the ups and downs of being in a committed relationship. 

Though if you never learn from your quarrels, and continue to have the same rows as the relationship progresses, you’re likely creating a toxic environment for everyone involved. 

Learning to compromise is as essential as communication here, and every argument doesn’t need to have a winner.

 

  • There isn’t much affection

We don’t think we need to tell you how important it is to touch your lover.

Although some people are just not affectionate by nature, affection is important in a relationship to literally touch base, feel connected, secure, and wanted by our other half. 

Holding hands, hugging, and just touching your lover also releases feel-good hormones that have the ability to reduce pain and induce a calming sensation throughout your body. 

At the very least, a kiss or hug good morning and good night, or a hello or goodbye kiss when you meet is essential to remind you of the electrifying sensation you make each other feel. 

 

  • The relationship is exhausting you

You can have an ‘easy’ relationship as long as both sides are constantly doing their part to make the other person feel safe, loved, and cared for in whatever manner they can.  

It becomes exhausting when one person stops trying, and the other has to pick up the slack. 

Kind of like a uni project when only ⅖ of the team members are the ones actually doing all the heavy lifting. 

Except in a relationship, it doesn’t fare well for the exhausted party if it continues on without change. 

Perhaps your exhaustion comes from being in a toxic environment and your efforts to try and fix the situation only seems to make things worse? 

In this case, it could be time to reassess how the relationship is affecting you and move on!

 

Is the seven-year itch true? It certainly is!

Nonetheless, it’s more of a thing that COULD happen rather than something that WOULD happen. 

If you’ve just heard about the seven-year itch and you’re here because someone used it to describe your relationship or you think it’s where your relationship is headed, our heart goes out to you. 

Even so, just because you might be experiencing the seven-year itch in your relationship, doesn’t immediately imply that it’s doomed.

Instead, take this as a good time to reprioritise your relationship’s health by reflecting and communicating about what’s working, and what isn’t working. 

Most relationship experts also recommend couples counselling, as long as you both feel comfortable about it of course!

Whatever works for you to work it out together, as long as you take the step to openly communicate about everything and make an effort to put in the work, your relationship will most likely be shielded from the doom of the seven-year itch!

And if it doesn’t work out, maybe it’s a sign that the relationship has come to an end

In search of more dating tips and advice? We can help you with that too! Check out our blog today! 😁